Drunk Dialing... a Retrospective

Since the dawn of time drunk dialing has been a common practice... it is rumored that the first drunk dial occured when an intoxicated cave man walked into another cave and drew on said cave's wall, that he secretly loved said cave's occupant... this actually was also the inspiration for the soon to be hit movie "Brokeback Cave" but that's another story entirely.

Never has it been so easy for a man to utter the word's I love you, than it is after twelve shots of Jager chased by a Irish car bomb... each. Unfortunately this is normally more of an "I loved you", or "I'll always love you..." or, and this is the most unfortunate of all... "I'm outside your window, I know we haven't spoken since High School, but I still think of you, everynight... open your door and let me love you"...

Then of course there is the opposite of love, or yearning drunk dials... these I like to call the and another thing drunk dials. I have named them thus because they normally contain the phrase. These are the get something off your chest dials. Got a girlfriend you know is cheating? Too much of a wuss to do something about it? Well douchebag, here have this Long Island Iced Tea. Seventeen different liquors and coke... for color mind you. Six of these and suddenly Herbert the harmless becomes Hagar the horrible. Now unfortunate for my drunk dialing friends, these can and usually do backfire. Why you ask? I'll tell you why... because every "And another thing..." drunk dial is the product of the most horrible thing to ever happen to drunk dialing. Our F-ing friends. She's not cheating a-hole, she was at the movies with her damn friends, at dinner with her mom... there really was a christening. But because you hang out with idiots that all cheat on the women they're with you let them convince you that your girl is a slut... which you feel obliged to take as your own opinion and, unfortunately, share with said girlfriend. Or maybe ex-girlfriend would be a better way to put it.

So gentleman, I leave the ladies out because please you should ALL continue to drunk dial... and if you don't for God's sake start its hilarious when girls do it, stop listening to your friends... and stop drinking like you're in college... if you are in college please ignore this, there are some things you must learn on your own. Gotta go for now... I got a liquid lunch and a Nokia 2500 with my name on it... let me apologize in advance babygirl.

P.S. Guys... that guy at the end of the bar was NOT looking at you funny, and he probably CAN kick your ass.