Now I don't want babies to starve to death but...

So trying to find parking for work today, man you gotta love Brooklyn, and lo and behold what do I see? A blonde lady's boobie staring back at me... Try reading that in your mind in like a sing song voice... makes the whole experience more enjoyable. Pfreferably the no more monkeys jumping on the bed song.

Anyway I will toss in at this point of the story there was a baby attached to the aforementioned boobie, or breast if you will, but still this was a street corner and she was having a conversation with a neighbor of hers and drinking a cup of coffee (hope it was decaf or that kid is going to be flying later... mom's milk gives you WIIIIIIINGS. (Think Red Bull) Anyway, I just think if you are going to be some place for an extended period of time, ie; a restaurant or perhaps a a book store even, crap... anywhere that you are not near your home. But for Christ sake, if you are going for your morning coffee, as this woman's casual dress and bed head suggested, must you feed your baby right then? Must it be done? Will your hairless little bundle of joy really die if Park Slope doesn't see this "miracle of life". I was quite distressed... I mean I even had a black coffee that morning. Ta Ta for now... may your days be merry and bright... and may all your used Q-tips still be white!

Walking to work today...

and I see a midget, automatic bonus yes, but the added thing that got me thinking was the fact that he was jacked... I mean frigging ripped. And I wonder to myself, how does this happen... I mean if a midget came to my gym there would be nothing he could use except the dumbbells... so I figure they probably have to work out at home. See what I'm seeing is kinda like some scenes from Rocky IV when he was in Russia and had nothing to train with so he started using whatever he had, like lifting pauley and that token black guy in the carriage or running up that mountain with the weights attached to his back. I see stuff like that, except on a smaller scale. Like maybe he's running up the hill pulling a red flyer wagon with a hundred kittens in it or maybe a tricycle with a regular sized kid on it. Bench pressing like a step stool full of oranges or something...

I realized pretty quickly all this sounded quite absurd so I then thought maybe it was just regular core work... like push-ups or pull-ups but then I realized that was definitely out of the question... I mean they can't lift their arms above their head so no pull-ups and the same head would definitely throw off the center of gravity for a push up so I was only left with one beautiful option... a special gym filled with midgets... It would be like working out in Oz... the one with the wizard, not the whole gay sex shank thing. I mean mini elypticals, mini barbells mini curls machines... mini everything... a little juice bar, only one row of lockers... urinals that almost touch the ground, it would be awesome. I'd like to apply for a membership and then sue if they don't let me in, or force them to allow me to become a member based on some discrimination law or something (I'm coming for you Lucille Roberts). Then just walk around the place and pretend I'm like some super strong giant... just walk up and rack all their machines... spot two people at the same time... start using a barbel with a midget hanging off each end. I mean man that would be awesome for the self esteem. I gotta find this place. Anyone hears of one let me know... I need a change. Because the best thing of all at the midget gym is if some guy is walking around and sees no f-ing need for a towel and you're sitting on the bech, his junk will still be well below your face.

What a Long Time Its Been

Woah... I was getting pretty close to a month with no correspondence there... probably have everyone salivating at the mouth by now for my words of wisdom. Well I've got nothing. Going to see Nine Inch Nails this Friday... maybe that will inspire me.