Streets Crossed - 6 Times Almost Struck By a Vehicle - 2

Well its been a banner fucking Christmas in the old Bender household... wait that's Breakfast Club... Its been a banner fucking morning for the Rye Guy today... our street light went out just about a half hour ago and being the genius that I am I decide to go out and direct the traffic coming into our receiving dock until the PD shows up. Nice thing to do yes, completely selfless, not really if the truckers back up and the line to get in here gets out of control my life becomes hell anyway so it was sort of neccessary, completely idiotic.... absolutely.

The patience of the people in this neighborhood could fit on the head of a dime... so lil old me, cute as I am, standing out there with my hand raised evidently looks more like a green light than I realized. After the second fender was so close that my pant leg rustled I called it quits and luckily the po po showed up before anything got out of hand.

P.S. Let's hear it for the boy... I mean Fray, lets hear it for The Fray

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

That is one of the best references to suicide without saying suicide that I have heard in a long way... powerful lyrics, great song. The fact that its used in the promo and last nights Scrubs aside... also a great nod to the how to save a life line. Life line... I'll use phone a friend. Now I've gone too far.

Time to Update the Resume

I just got hit with a corpse... full on hit with a corpse... not hit by a corpse mind you, that would be a horror film. No I'm talking the closest thing to a horror/comedy... my lofe. Yes I am coming in from putting change in a meter at work and lo and behold there is an undertaker, not Claire Fisher mind you but I still hope, speeding along with a body on his gurney not paying attention to where he is going. I round the corner and suddenly its like a Three Stooges episode where on of the stooges is very VERY sleepy. I wonder how much you can get paid for shoveling lion shit at the zoo.... perhaps that is a career to look into.

August.... I hardly knew ye...

122038Well Birthday month is coming to a close... and what a month it was... on the sports front, the Yanks have taken a commanding lead in the AL East, and the BoSox are closing in on not even making the playoffs. Tiger, Tiger Woods y'all... is going for five, yeah I said five, in a row this weekend at one of the only tournaments he's never won.

On a personal front this month has been trying at times, joyful at others... from friendships made stronger... to ones rediscovered... to ones dissolved, it has been an experience to say the least... this past week has been one of my favorites, from Mariah (yeah I said Mariah), to coffee shops in the rain, to not feeling like losers by getting italian ice at 8pm. To going to bars in my pajamas to taping bits for my favorite radio program... to lying in bed as it rains and kicking all comers asses in Tiger Woods.... Birthday month has been good to me... I hope it will be good as well to my sister who takes over on Friday... and Cindy as well....

I brought my Kick the Cheat into work today... for what reason I am not yet sure, but one thing I can say is that August has been incredibly stressful for me. And it only looks to get worse, so I'm trying whatever I can to keep the mood light around here because I can tend to be a real dick when I'm mad, or stressed, or both... or maybe I'm just a dick who knows... but maybe if I kick the cheat and make myself laugh the days will go faster... maybe if all the world would just stand up and kick their cheats together, the brother's Chaps would be f-ing rich and the price of gas would drop below $2... now maybe I'm just dreaming folks... or maybe its because the effects of the HUGE green tea I drank on Sunday are just now starting to wear off, but I sense a resurgance in the human spirit... and it starts with the cheat. For those who have no idea who "The Cheat" is... A. you haven't been around me lately and 2. find out more at www.homestarrunner.com .

P.S. Just got an email from Nick Thomas a director I used to work with and he's looking to get the cast of Teacher's Lounge, a play I did, back together for a reunion run... I hope I still have the prat falls in me...

Modern Toss! - Alan! (BBQ)

Ahhh that bastard is at it again....

5 Songs Guaranteed to Change Your Mood on a Nasty Rainy Morning

1. Walking on Sunshine, Katrina and the Waves
2. The Adventure, Angels and Airwaves
3. Your Love, The Outfield
4. Life is a Highway, Tom Cochrane
5. Chicago is So Two Years Ago, Fall Out Boy

Dana Carvey Choppin' Broccoli Stand-up

One of the funniest moments in stand up history... "My lady she went downtown... she bought some broccoli..." Enjoy.

Come On Man!!!

So I just wrote a pretty long f-ing blog about my experience this weekend with the radio show and about the outcome of that but the f-ing blogger server was down and it got lost... so therefore I have no time to write it again right now... maybe later. Regardless I closed the blog with a big good luck to the skimszal who finally got the f out of the shitty job she was at... so lets hope she loves this one, and that there are no push up contests WAY too loud conversations, and pizza hut or dominoes pizza parties as a way to go for working from 5 am till 4... gotta go.

Lucky Day Lucky Day....

Well it just so happens my favorite radio show JV and Elvis, or the doghouse if you will, are looking for a "man on the street" to conduct interviews and say weird things to people or be put in uncomfortable situations and have them taped for the airwaves... As a frequent caller to the show I asked Lou their producer if I could get a shot at it... wanna know what he said? He told me to come by the studio this Saturday and they would hook me up with one of their interns... GN and have some questions for me to do and some recording equipment and unlease me on the Manhattan Mall at 34th street and see what happens. This should be an awesome time and the clips should air sometime next week if they're any good... God I hope I don't suck... this would be fucking awesome!!! I love radio and would love to be on it... and with my sultry voice I mean come on people... its a match made in heaven.

JV and Elvis air on 92.3 free FM from 9-1pm

Someone Tell Spiderman Garfield Wants His Quarterback

What does this have to do with this post you ask? Very little if nothing at all... which is kind of a theme with some of my favorite bands nowadays (Fall Out Boy, Brand New, and Panic! At the Disco to name some). Remember the song Carrie? Do you know what it was about? If you said Carrie you would be correct... now here is a question... do you have any idea what "I've got a Dark Allety and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth" is about? Its not about Carrie I can tell you that... and its like this slow really sweet ballad type thing... with great line like "I want to be known for my hits not just my misses, I took a shot and didn't even come close, to trust and love and hope, and the poets are just kids that didn't even make, and never had it all" Ummmm back alley? bad idea? shut your mouth? What the f? Well that's one of the Fall Out Boy ones... shall we move onto my personal favorite song naming band, though I never really got that into the songs, Brand New... with classics like... Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die, and Jude Law And A Semester Abroad who the fuck needs Carrie... I do... "No time is a good time for goodbye... "

Man I Feel Like a Douche

For years I have thought that the parents were the killers of that porcelain doll child of theirs... that woman-child they brought into the world, far older then she should have been at that time... only to find that this creepy looking son of a bitch John Mark Karr was the culprit. So not like they would ever read this but I stand corrected and am sorry and feel like an asshole.

P.S. What the fuck is going on with this guy's neck? Can someone please let me in on this secret? I mean his head looks superimposed on his body... it kinda looks like he's bracing himself for the zillion ass rapings and beatings he'll get once his rotting in jail... actually peace will probably come quicker then that, I wouldn't give this sick bastard more then a month behind bars before he's taken care of.

P.P.S. What's up with some people shaking your hand and then your hand smells like them? Who puts purfume or cologne on the palm of their hand? And if you do... keep that shit to yourself. Its not very business like but I'll take a pound... you know a little knuckle to knuckle action... you know you stink so give me that curtesy, and if you don't know I'm gonna tell you... I'll smack you in the nose with my now stinky hand and tell you to wash up.... I won't really, but I'll be thinking about it, so if you shake hands with me and then I start laughing to myself that means your hands stink.

29

Well 29... not thirty yet... not too bad. My friends Jen and Betsy pointed out it was pretty ballsy of me to call my party I'm not 30 yet when over 90 percent of the people who are going to be there ARE 30 but hey that's just me. Wanted to say thanks to Vass for calling out under that rock of his and giving me a call this morning... and of course big ups (who even says that anymore) to the skimszal for once again getting an awesome gift... one that I can definitely say had I known it was available I would have bought for myself already, she's quick on the draw folks. (Every season of Six Feet Under on DVD if you were wondering) So anyways I gotta get back to work...

Don't it Make You Wanna

Scream? I'm on a conference call earlier and everyis speaking and I'm just thinking to myself how funny would it be if I just creamed or something.... Like just YEAHHH!!! Or something of that sort... no one would know who it was if you did it... or like just start humming... I specifically wanted to do the ooga shacka ooga shacka from the beginning of that song "Hooked on a Feeling" I thought that would be classic... anyways I did nothing... I just sat there and did nothing but when it came time for me to speak I was almost laughing to myself and my words came out all retarted so I looked like the dummy... oh well.

It Looks Like...

This coming weekend has been designed with my birthday in mind... the four and final major in Golf begins tomorrow, Yankees/Red Sox... five games in four days and Louis CK is in town... well Alabany so not really but I'm reaching here. Anyway with the party coming up and the excitemnt I know I should feel I can't help but feel a little sad because while it seems that everything is coming together just right... things couldn't be more wrong. Its kinda funny... but I'm sure we'll have a good time this weekend but just keep in mind that if I might need a little time to myself or whatever that that be allowed and not try to push and not try to make me super happy and party crazy and woo hoo all weekend long. I'm going to need time to reflect and deal with feelings. I just didn't want to have to say it face to face to anyone... and I don't want it mentioned in front of me or whatever just keep it in mind. Anyway with that being said... there's only one more day till my birthday and its my last night of twentyeightdom (made that up... you can use it) so really... that means nothing to me just wanted to use that word. Godd day sir.... ISAID GOOD DAY!!!

So I'm playing Tiger Woods last night (I'm awesome by the way) and I have my Ipod on random and I hear this song by Indigo Girls (insert gay joke here) that I've never heard before and it really gets to where I'm feeling right now and it kinda freaked me out... thought I'd share a portion of the lyrics with you... its off the 1200 curfews live albums...

I wish i had a riverI could skate away on
'cause i made my baby cry
You tried hard to help me
And you put me at ease
Then loved me so naughty
Made me weak in my knees
And wish i had a river
That i could skate away on

I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and i'm sad
Now i lost the best baby
That i ever had
And i wish i had a river
That i could skate away on
I wish i had a river so wide
I could teach my feet to fly
I wish i had a river
That i could skate away on
Cause i made my baby say goodbye

Jesus Christ...

OK so Natalie Reid, aka Paris Hilton's look alike, is in the new Playboy (Sept issue) is this REALLY necessary? I mean let's be honest for $30 USD you can see the real Paris f the crap out of Doherty's ex man... why in the world would anyone want to see naked pictures of a girl that looks like a girl who we've all seen act like a slut? I'm hoping no one... I'm wrong it'll be a lot of people unfortunately.

Oh and for those really interested I've found this homeless guy that once I gave him a shower and a shave and a blonde wig looks like a boobless Jessica Simpson naked so I'm gonna put those pics up later in the week and make this a pay site... cha ching!!!

I Have a Severe Problem

I cannot stop watching bad movies that I love for some reason. I mean I don't really love them, I know they're bad and everytime I'm finished with one I think to myself... what a wonderful wor... wait no I don't I think to myself what the hell did I just do? Did I really watch Hell boy again? What was that the 15th time I've seen A Walk to Remember? Can I have the 2 hours back I just wasted on Tad Hamilton (yeah skimszal ya got me... if its on I leave it on) And the worst of all has to be one of the all time worst of the past couple of years but I watch it like bargain hunters watch ebay for fake coach bags... Alien vs. Predator... the moving fucking sucked, but being the genius I am... I think I like Aliens, I enjoyed Predator so I have to like this movie right? Wrong Rye... let it f-ing go man... change the damn channel... see what else is on. Oooh Starship Troopers... It never ends.

P.S. I just found out one of my employees I can't say who or where they work because I believe some of the people at the Hospital here read this, but he/she used to wear a helmet.. not for the Epilepsy, but because they were a little nutty and used to ran their head into things when they became angry. Sounds like me in High School... but whatever Kudos to you... not like props or anything, just one of those little snack bars... perhaps the Rocky Road one, enjoy.

Not Too Shabby

So this weekend wasn't half bad at all... the weather was gorgeous and so was the beach. I gotta admit Saturday when Breen and myself decided to throw me a pre birthday BBQ I thought maybe it was overkill but then the charcoal started going and I got to grilling and then I realized a BBQ is never a bad thing... and neither is a birthday celebration... it is August after all.

So that night was the normal debacle tyhat is definitely getting old, or maybe its me... who knows. So anywho Sunday after awakening around noon... Breen and myself took separate showers... at separate abodes... in separate cities so lets put those rumors to rest. Anyway afetr showering he told me about this bar and grill in Atlantic Highlands that had good food and an awesome view of the bay/ocean that flanks Sandy Hook, so it was this or KFC... so I decided on this and off we went, smelling like male models of course, to Off The Hook (that's the name of teh place). Upon arriving there I was pleased to see that it wasn't the type of placfe you would expect of down the shore... meatheadless was what it was and that was nice. There was one older softball team there that hated the Yankees but other than that the place was great. So we ordered a pitcher of Sangria and a couple of sandwiches and tried not to look gay as we watched the bridge open and close and let the boats drift through. It was awesome... and then upon leaving the establishment we went down to make a u-turn and that's when we discovered that there we just a bunch of little places down there... Moby's, Barh's Landing and this one Clam Bar... plus some other paces we never got to. It definitely turned out to be great day, everyplace was right on the water with a great view and the people at each one were really frinedly... and to the staff at Moby's if you're checking this like you said you would then you guys are awesome... and while I'm sure I'm not the funniest person you've ever met I appreciate you assurance of such and we can't wait to get back down there again... though maybe a Saturday this time because the ride home Sunday sucked.

Anyways I'm busy as hell over here... if any cats get left in boxes or whatever I'll update this again today but probably not. Later Haters

This is Horrible...

So my friend Cindy is leaving her house this afternoon and lo and behold what does she find? This... someone evidently took their cat that they didn't want anymore, cut ehough room out of a box for it to get its head through and then electrical taped it shut. Fucking dispicable. I hope she never finds out it was me...

Kidding anyway just thought I'd share... but my veggie fajita's just got here... sweet

Honestly...

Has there been a morebeautiful day this year? Jesus... just walking to get coffee the sun and the breeze put a smile on this stressed face of mine. I can't wait to get out of here open that sun roof crank up "Life is a Highway" and get to a park as fast as I can and just enjoy as much of it as I can until the sun goes down. And man when JHACO leaves at 2:30 there'll probably be a meeting right after which will go to about 3:30 or 4 (I hope its not another fire fest) then I am out. F the mailroom, F the Storeroom... and the receiving dock closes at 3 so I am out.

Oh and by the way... I have to give love to the crazy guy who stands on the corner everymorning just screaming obcenities and having the HUGEST argument with no one. I mean this guy really sees whoever it is he's yelling at... I've seen him swing at the dude... hopefully he's not picturing a woman, because then sorry mister my love is gone but otherwise... mad love. Sometimes I like to get him real fired up... I saddle up behind him and I'll be like "Oh shit... you gonna let him talk to you like that? I can believe he said that about your momma... shit if that was me I kill the bitch." Now that's entertainment... and also lucky for me he believe's I'm a demi-god of some sort sent here to protect him from the vicious wrath of the Might Nectarines of Kizdor... whcih would be awesome if I was, but I'm not, though I'll continue this charade so I don't REALLY send the guy off the deep end.

P.S. Happy Anniversary (yesterday) to my sis and brother in law... 5 years... not too shabby.

The Homestretch

Well here we go... last day. 2:30pm in my sights and then these fuckers are out of here....

6 more managers down as of a meeting last night... 3 of them really good at their jobs. Really unfair, but what can you do. So as I said last day... both good and bad. Good because they'll be out of here but bad because it gives you that one last chance to screw up. And by the looks of the agenda today they're going to be all up my ass. They've got the morgue (next door) at 10 and then the flow of medical waste in the hospital... whcih is also very much centered around my area... and then of course inspection of new construction... which is my area so we'll see how that goes. Anywho rockin' out with the cock out and going to get through it. Gotta go its morgue time... keep your fingers crossed.

Alone in the Mailroom

Jesus I don't know how these people do it... working in a mailroom is by and large one of the dullest professions in all of creation. Mail, mail, mail... its all crap. You sit there and you sort all this stuff that you know most people throw out... hell I throw most of my work mail out, its all f-ing trash. But then of course there are the few diamonds in the rough, but lets be honest nobody really uses this form of communication anymore. So to just have this worthless job day in and day out has to be killer. I'm definitely not cut out for it. But I digress... so I am basically working in the mailroom with little or no help for the next 4 weeks... something I ma not looking foward to. This is because of vacation situations which wouldn't be bad... but unfortunately the 3rd mailroom employee was recently hit by a car and his leg is shattered, so he's out for six weeks more still... and that's an estimate. So anywho... not that bad... but unfortunately the girl that works downstairs keying in orders.... the girl that I cover when she is out got into a drunk driving accident recently so lo and behold I now have 3 hats to wear on this big old sunglass stretching head of mine... I was here until about 7 yesterday and we'll see what happens today... I don't know about evertyone else but you got me Loverboy... because I am definitely working for the weekend.

On a lighter note I smell pigskin in the air... oh yeah between tonight and tomorrow there are 6 preseason football games, games that basically suck but its all we've got... whcih is just the precusor for my favorite time, second favorite actually, when baseball goes into playoffs and football starts... crunchtime of one sport and the beginning of another... its so happy, tense and a little sad at the same time. Man my fingernails are just going to be non-exsistant by that time.

Anywho toodles for now... X's and O's for all my Hoes... I actually mean the garden tools, I've really benn getting into plants lately... I mean you have to admit, maybe not upon first glance but if you give it a chance, squash is sexy.

Love Shack Baby!!!!

The B-52s are giving a free concert in Coney Island tomorrow... oh how the mighty have fallen...

P.S. If you call the Chinese Mexican place and say you need to place an order for pick-up and the woman who answers the phone says, "Herro Ryan" its safe to assume my vegetable fajita addiction has reached a level for concern...

Day Three

Well day three of our inspection and thus far I have gone unscathed... I wish I could say the same for three other managers... but I can't. There was an emergency department head meeting yesterday and three people bit the dust. Oh well I guess I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed... The stress here is almost unbearable. Lucky for me I have this memory that no matter how many times I think about it makes me laugh... "I remember, I remember..."

Ode to Seltzer...

Is it the light lemon flavor? Could it be the fizz?
To tell you the truth I don't care what it is...
Because with zero calories and a wonderful taste
Drinking anything else would be just a waste
With the sodium of diet soda, plus its to sweet with no zing
Seltzer oh seltzer... you are a wonderful thing
Now I may miss the caffiene and the yellowness of the Dew
But seltzer, my sweet seltzer, there is no topping you.

I dare you...

Well we definitely had sunroof weather this morning and traffic was light enough that it would have been a most enjoyable drive into Brooklyn, had I not started the day with heavy heart or had I not known what awaited me once I got here...

But anywho back to the dare... I dare you to not rock out while driving if the first song you put on is Baquet by Bloc Party http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=5152238... I mean I just double dog dare you. I don't care what you like rap, rock or even swing... the first 45 seconds of this song can make anyone itch their but on the car seat... or dance in place as some would call it... I prefer the former phrase thank you.

Anyways try it for the ride home if your day sucked or try it for tomorrow if you've had trouble sleeping, its better than coffee, but unfortunately not better than sex. So don't start trying to substitute, I mean has a song that good ever been written? You're damn right it has... let me tell you more.

One of the most tragically awesome things in music history has to be "Your Love " by The Outfield. It just may be hands down one the most awesome songs ever writeen... and trust me no one else could perform it. The reason I say tragically awesome is... do you even know who the fucking Outfield is? Outside of baseball the answer most likely is no... if its yes then maybe you should go on a gameshow, that world series of pop culture perhaps... or maybe you should pick up a porno once in a while. Might do you some good. Anyway this song is so complex and fun at the same time... so rocking and yet in a lot of ways very brutish and even a little sad. Just think of the chorus... I just wanna use your love tonight, I don't wanna lose your love tonight. That's pretty rough... Yeah I'm just gonna do enough here so you don't leave so I can use you for sex because I basically hate my life (I know that's a lot to infer but if you read the rest of the song you'll get it) Anyways all this self angst and loathing is set to an awesome beat and the guys voice is crystal clear that the high pitched way he sings has to be actually him and not falsetto which is impressive... and then that's it just gone.... totally disappeared. Its just not fair, only one song from them... but that blonde Jesus looking Nickelback dude has a fucking hit every week. Anyway... one last line to examine from this song... "As you leave me please would you close the door and don't forget what I told you Just 'cause you're right - that don't mean I'm wrong Another shoulder to cry upon" That's fucked up... basically thanks for the good times get the f out.. oh and I won't be here for you if you need me. Awesome, just awesome to hide that kind of shit in such a fun song... its like you're rocking out to this and you don't even realize that the words you are singing make you sound like such a dick. Well here's the whole mess in its entirety... enjoy!!

Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over
So many things that I wanna say
You know I like my girls a little bit older
I just wanna use your love tonight I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I ain't got many friends left to talk to
Nowhere to run when im in trouble
You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night - but keep it under cover
I just wanna use your love tonight I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Try to stop my hands from shakin'
Somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense
It's been awhile since we've been all alone I can't hide the way I'm feelin'
As you leave me please would you close the door
and don't forget what I told you
Just 'cause you're right - that don't mean I'm wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon
I just wanna use your love tonight I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Yeah I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Back to Business

OK... so it just so happens that the Storeroom and receiving were two of the first departments to be inspected... not too good considering how tired I am from yesterday... but speaking of yesterday. Poison is one word, awesome. Absolutely ridiculous... I see them everytime they come around and this one was incredible... it was their 20 year anniversary as a band and they did it up with style, playing all of my favs especially "ride the wind"... whcih will always nudge out most of the Poison songs as my favorite... I've also never seen them do it live before.

Oh did I mention the best thing of all? 8th row baby... that's number 8... as in 8 is great and seven ate nine... or 789. Anywho the parking lot was c razy as always... we ended up going with some of my brother in laws friends from high school and they knew grounds keepers there so VIP parking ensued... and shortly after that... Mickey and Vicki, the rhyming pot smoking lesbians with more rainbows on their car then they had paint tried to take me out with their driver's side fender... I appreciate the near miss ladies...

I gotta give it up to the high hairs coming out in all their spandexed and fishnetted glory... can't forget the cowboy hats representing... No self respecting Brett Michaels fan leaves home without it... and last but not least to Cinderella... never really got into your shit but you held your own and it was a good show... now if I could only find a nice place to take a nap.... Why did I ever get started taking naps?!!!

Ok Terrific

Well went to see Poison last night... and it was great show... I'd write more about it but I'm crazy tired (very long weekend... its us 17, them nothing Breen) But besides that JHACO has arrived at my hospital this morning and basically just screwed my week... if you don't know what JHACO is... click here...

http://www.nqmp.info/jc/jcaho_oryx.asp and enjoy my hell.

modern toss - alan - birthday

Love it... absolutely love it...

Alan - Picnic

This Guy is absolutely hysterical... I'll add more as I find them... Alan... what a wanker. You have to click twice and it'll take you to You tube.

One More Before the Weekend

The plans have been finalized for the "I'm Not thirty Yet Motherfucker" party and if you'd like to go give me a call and I'll let you know time and place... if you feel I should have invited you and hence you feel slighted at having to call me I suggest you let that bitterness keep you company that night... Its in 2 weeks on the night of August 19th... I will already be 29 by that date... but that's not the name of the party now is it?

Just a word

Ladies do you get dressed in the dark or do you simply just not want respect at the office? What's with the painted on pants? What's with the see through blouse's and only bras underneath? I mean come on... unless you're willing to sleep your way to the top, dress professionally... I wise man once said always dress for the job you want not the one you're in (thanks Mr. Trump) so if you are a secretary or accountant or accounts receivable clerk or whatever and you want to be a whore just go do it... you don't need to get promoted. I mean if I wanted to know what kind of underwear you were wearing or what you looked like in your bra... I would approach you make you laugh... think I'm a nice guy and sleep with you, no need to advertise... it ruins the chase.

PS... guys, don't think I forgot about you on this one... White shirt=need for t-shirt. Newsflash... no one wants to see your nipples at the water cooler or anywhere else.

Thanks for playing goodnight

Well its official....

I can no longer have children... j/k that's a nod to the Debbie Downer skit on SNL, anyway what IS actually official is that Candlebox still rocks... and drunken snoring sleep is useless and coffee and Ripped Fuel can definitely balance out the lack of sleep but you start to feel like you do when you're comi9ng down from a hit of acid... awake and alert but pretty much only capable of talking way too fast... and bugging Bivona to get you Burger King breakfast in an extremely high pitched voice.

What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah Candlebox great show... I gotta go, I have a dark abandoned printshop and a disposible pillow with my name on it...

So I'm sitting in a bar last night...

Drinking to say the least... listening to some old men one up each other with stories about their lives and I have to admit... a lot of them were facinating. Now who knows how much of them were made up, I didn't really care... either way it made me realize something. Life is an awesome possibilty, plain and simple. It told me that at the end of everything, during your final years... it really doesn't matter what you've amassed... the friends you've made and lost, the opportunities that got away. The only thing that matters is did have a good time? Do you have a good story? Did you do anything worth talking about, did you live a life you can be proud of? Did you sit behind a desk day after day absolutely miserable, or did you go to work everyday with the idea in your head that you were going to do just enough to get through the day... not too much to make you crazy, and everyday remind yourself that you were sacing for that next trip... that next adventure? In between those times did you take mini adventures? Hell did you even fucking go to "Great Adventure"? Did you ever leave your house one night with a friend, a bunch of friends or by yourself, had really nothing in mind to do... and end up having one the craziest, funnest nights of your life? Did you ever just say fuck it... like in "Risky Business"? Put your ass on the line or just really put yourself out there? No I'm not talking about love... I'm talking about just letting go... getting nuts, seizing the opportunity that life presented you...

Or did you play it safe? Were you scared to take risks... do you wonder what if? There was a recent study done at Columbia University asking alumni that were now in the latter part of their life (over 75) and they found that most of them... 87% regretted what they didn't do... not what they did. Think about that... the chances they didn't take out wieghed the regrets from the ones they did... only 8% went the other way with 5% undecided. That's staggering... we're talking Columbia Students here... a lot of them, probably strait laced desk job types like most of us, and they regretted, to get all Robert Frosty on you here, not choosing the path less followed. Not putting balls to the wall and going nutso, taking a chance. Well screw that. I'm definitely going to be in that 8%, I'm going to have that great story, I'm going to die with a smile on my face. As I sit in this office and watch strangers wheel the bodies of the dead wrapped in a blanket by my office I think about how demeaning that is. How final. Then you get a bunch of people standing around looking at something that looks nothing like you and commenting about your life. I want the people there to say things like... "Remeber that time at 4 in the morning when we drove to AC and stayed there for four days... we all called out sick with diarrhea" (I'm talking to you Rooney) or "I remember the time he and I walked around my college campus, flying out of our minds holding a five foot tall garfield doll between us, before handing it to some girl because she looked sad and lonely" (I'm looking at you Vass). That's the good stuff right there, that's what old people probably sit there and laugh to themselves about when they're sitting in an old folks home because someone forgot about them and now all they have is their memories... hopefully. Am I gonna cry and miss my family as I choke down Tapioca pudding (what's with old people and tapioca anyway?) or am I going to be in a wheelchair pushed up next to a window looking out at the grass laughing my freaking balls off? I'm pretty sure I know the answer to that one. Toodles.

P.S. Had to share something I heard last night with you...

This one old man is starting this story and he says... "I remember one time I was occasionally seeing this pogostick..." Now me being me I had to know what this was so I interupted... his reply follows "You know boy a pogo stick... a person your screwing that's fun to ride... but you wouldn't want your friends to know you do it." That was comedic gold... thanks Dougie... hope you got to sleep that one off before the dog jumped on your balls, this morning. I owe you a Jack and Ginger.

It has begun!!!

Ahhhh birthday month is on hand... and with Candlebox, Poison, and Disturbed (oh my!!!) what couldpossible be wrong? Well... the heat for one thing... I must admit the insanity that is 100 degrees puts quite a damper one BBQ's and such... but I must admit going to see a band called candlebox on a night that is supposed to feel like 110 is poetic. But alas this weekend looks superb so let the grilling begin... let's hit the 'ool! Hopefully there will be no P in the one I finally get too... but I'm sure I'll fix that by the time I reach double digits on my beer intake... plus if you're rolling with "He's Mean, He's Lean, He's Breen, Just did time for fighting Crime" anything can happen... urine is the least of your concerns... so here's to 31 days of me, me, me... Birthday month... we love ye'