Toss A Midget Make A Dream Come True

Had an argument yesterday with myself about whether or not midget tossing, or dwarf tossing if you prefer, was cruel or completely awesome. I've decided that its completely awesome, and for the tossee not just the tosser. Perhaps even more so for the tosser... here's why...

When asked about wishes, as in, "If you had 3 wishes what would you wish for?", afetr most people got passed the 100 million dollars or invisibility crap, and you weeded out the douchebags that waste one on world peace, you can be pretty damned sure you'll wind up with a couple that wish for the ability to fly. Now if this is a common dream of men and women then when you toss a midget, you are letting him, temporarily mind you, live out one of our dreams.

Also there are many people out there that are concerned about their weight... everyone wants to lose weight, and with new year's coming up, I'm sure that its at the top of the list of new years resolution most likely to be broken. Now consider this, when the midget is tossed and it is at the height of its arc, for that one crowning moment, he or she (I've never actually seen a girl midget at a tossing event but that would be pretty awesome), is weightless. WEIGHTLESS PEOPLE!!! Hillary Duff eat your heart out... fuck it just eat something!!!

Lastly lets consider the job possibilities for a midget... I mean no more Oompa Loompa gigs since they digitally duplicated that one freakazoid, no Wizard of Oz remake looming on the horizon. Hell I haven't even seen Wee Man from Jackass doing anything lately... so unless you have some like crazy talent or happen to be really smart, you've got to do something to make a living. And lets be honest, what would you rather do for a living; "Would you like fries with that?" or get heaved in a velcro covered suit at a big velcro covered bull's eye and get bought drinks all night?

Man... I know I wish I was shorter...

Later Haters... I know I've had the time of my life... and I owe it ALL to Pat Swayze only strangers call him Patrick

Out With the Old in With the Same... Just Newer

Ahhh the new year is upon us. I remember back in '89 when I went to see Back to the Future II for the first time. I couldn't wait until the future came... flying cars, jackets that dried themselves, Hoverboards... oh boy oh boy. And what have we got? Big suburban tanks, jackets that are still of the water retaining nature, and wakeboards. What a jip... I think Bob Zemekis has a little explaining to do. I mean what the F? Now Marty went to 2015 in the movie so we have to get moving people!!! Only 9 years until we have to start producing some of this crap. I mean as I sit here wet from the rain the least we could do is that sweet jacket idea. Maybe Nautica will be the first to come up with it. One can only dream.

Strike Averted!!!

Goodnight moon...

Bored in an office...

So how does one entertain oneself, in the same office they spen eight hours a day, for an additional 24 hours waiting to see if the MTA strikes or not? You don't... you could blog but I have nothing good to say because I feel trapped... oh well lets pray for the eleventh hour... or in my case the 16th since I've been here since 8... Kudos...

Happy Birthday you should be dead

Its been brought to my attention that the age specific birthday cards don't go above the age of 75... this to me seems like a pretty messed up thing to have going on... not only is it kind of like ageism, as if after 75 they don't really see a market for people because they shouldn't be reaching their 80th birthday, it puts pressure on the people buying the cards to have to think of something to write, cause you know you have to go "blank inside" unless you go mushy and lets face it at that age they have enough to cry about... oh well, just a thought... even if it is a pretty crappy one

This is our time to dance!

First and for most thanks Alison for setting up my links so I didn't have to screw up my blog again...

Anyone ever go back and watch a movie you used to LOVE as a kid and realize it was total crap? Man that really stings. I mean its like realizing at one point in time in your life you liked crappy stuff. I mean neon, big hair, leg warmers I mean all these can be blamed on the times... it was what was fashionable. I would have looked like crap if I didn't cuff my Cavariccis, but movies, that's another story. Some movies you loved as a kid still remain good flicks, for example Rocky, Airplane, Jaws. But then there are the Footlooses, Neverending Stories, and Teen Witches of the world that we still watch... hell I know I do and they suck. I mean Footloose is one of my all time favs, I can quote the friggin' thing start to finish if I had to, and probably perform most of the dance moves, but even John Lithgow and Kevin Bacon put together couldn't save this crapfest. I mean a town where you can't dance?!!! Who the *&%$ dreamed up that glowing concept. Let's cut to the pitch meeting....

"Ok so there's this town and you can't dance in it, but there's going to be this skinny white guy that wears skinny ties and really tight jeans that we're going to try and pass off as a city type tough guy. And here's the blockbuster hook... tough guy can really shake his ass... I mean jazz tap ballet, he can do it all, even tumbling. He saves this town from there own lack of rhythm."

The producer thinks for a moment, and only a quick moment and says, "Get me Kenny Loggins on the phone... we need a song for this hit!!! I smell Oscar people!"

Everybody cut Everybody cut... everybody cut Footloose.

Oh and by the way if you haven't checked it out ever please check out http://www.homerstarrunner.com its hysterical... I suggest the strong bad emails, or anything involving the cheat. If I sound like I'm talking crazy, take a look and all will be revealed to you... have a good weekend

Ahhh the plight of the useless...

Does anyone else out there feel bad for the school crossing gaurd? I mean I see a couple of them every morning when I'm handing out candy in front of the elementary school by my house... I mean when I'm walking to work and they just seem so damned unecessary. I mean the kids don't wait for them to put that damn big sign up before the start crossing. Nobody does... so sometimes when I'm walking to work I'll wait on the corner until they get out in the middle of the street and put up that big sign and wave me across.... I've never seen someone so happy to be in the middle of traffic... when I get to the other side of the street, her lips said good morning but her eyes said thanks for validating my exsistence...

You're welcome my orange clad diva, you are welcome.

Did anyone else, when they were younger, think that crossing gaurds were just really big fans of the words STOP? (props to Skimz for getting me to add this part back in)

Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra

Tis the season to jump too quickly into the season. For the record 106.7 has been playing Christmas music, scratch that NOTHING but Christmas music since Nov. 14th. A full week and a half before thanksgiving even. I went food shopping for good ol' turkey day, or as I like to refer to it, Dallas football day with food, and I saw these ready made Pilsbury x-mas cookies lying around. Yeah like what the *&%# are these things doing for sale?

"Hmmmm let's see we got the turkey, cranbeery sauce, mashed potatoes.... awwww nuts I forgot the Christmas cookies... gotta go back out."

This has never nor will ever happen Thanksgiving morning and if it does it better be at Saint f-ing Nick's house. Anyway I digress....

Needless to say I had all my Christmas shopping done shortly after last Christmas. Reason being.... I don't buy anyone shit. I'll bake a cake for Jesus, put 2005 and five candles on it, sing O' Come O' Ye Faithful (which sounds like the name of a porn) and go to bed, right after I sweep up all the pine needles from my floor.

Haiku about Cheese

Thanks Jay for the inspiration....

Monteray Jack, Bree
Linburger, Cheddar, Swiss, Blue
Provolone, Gouda

'ave a nice day...