Big Things Jerry.... BIG THINGS!!!

Well there's a lot going on in the world of Rye... first thing lets start off by saying I have passed the quarter century mark in the weight loss category... tipping the scales at 26lbs less then two months ago. This is pretty much entirely due to the fact that I have stopped drinking. Which leads me to the second portion of the news about me... I went to darts last night and spent 26 dollars... this as opposed to about 85-115 dollars that I would spend in a night there. Not too shabby... all in all there was $4.50 for the darts and then 10 seltzers with lemon later at a $1.50 a pop... plus tip and you got yourself a relatively inexpensive evening. Nice anywho feeling pretty good about myself but I did just pull a muscle patting myself on the back. Ouch... later.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" Panic! at the Disco

By Mennen

Hey here an idea to spice up a boring day or perhaps annoy a co-worker that you don't like. First make sure the co-worker I speak of sits near you. (diclaimer: Lissette if you are reading this I am sorry... I do like you you're just the only person I can see from my office) Then when talking to another company and they say they need to fax you something give that persons telephone line out, sit back and watch the frustration go ask every oh I don't know, 90 seconds or so the machine tries to send the fax, rings that person's line and all that person hears when they pick up is... beep.... beep. Man I love doing that... or I should say I used to love doing that as now I can certainly see a chair flying through my door the next time it happens... oh well, fun while it lasted.

On top of spaghetti

All covered with cheese

I lost my poor meatball

When somebody sneezed

It rolled off the table

And on to the floor

And then my poor meatball

Rolled right out the door

"Concerto #6" Yohan Sebastian Bach

Wow...

So my friend Cindy writes me this...

GOT A GOOD ONE TO TELL YA: today after lunch, me and Betsy were standing outside our building and i was fixing my shirt in the reflection of the window, when this client walked up and said to me, no need to do that ..u look great--all this crap.. so I'm like,, thanks.. then he goes- im a bushwacker--know why they call me that? so im like, why?? he took out his top teeth, then his bottom teeth--lol then opened his mouth and wiggled his tongue, lolol---i go, "oh hell no", and ran inside.. well, Betsy stayed out there and he goes to her..."she's gonna want to know my name, u tell her its moses-- and u know moses parted the Red Sea.. think of what he can do to me !" lololol how frigin classic is that!!!!!!

Wow all I can say is wow. I mean I'm something of a bushwhacker myself and to be honest... this is no way to advertise... if you want to be a Mr. Pussy (thanks Sex in the City) that's all well and good my friend but you must be referred or discovered... you cannot I reapeat cannot have curbside advertisements for your services... and above all you should not be on welfare... I'm not sure if there's any oral good enough to fall into some shit like that. Toodles. Oh and in honor of this I've decided to go with a cleverly sexual lyric from one of my favorite songs.

If you know me so well

Then tell me which hand I use

"Yes Anastasia" Tori Amos

Mmmm mmmm good...

So this place near me makes the best fresh spinach salad I've ever tasted... I had one a couple days ago and it has this like vinagrette with and orange kick to it... The best part? I mean this thing was huge! They just gave me a ton of spinah and it was only a dollar... what a bargain.

On a completely unrelated issue I have these really bad stomach cramps today and I'm thinkiong of going home... I can't stop sweating and forget about pooping solid. Anyways hope I feel better tomorrow... toodles.

'Cause I'd rather crawl home bleeding

than be Chained to you I love your freedom

Hate me, need me, love me, tease me, beg me

Please me, take me, breathe me,

Baby you know I'm trouble still you

Wanna be the one to smash my bubble

How strong, how tough, how sweet, how must

You feel to rough me up for real

In love I trust I put my faith

To make me happy to keep me safe

In you I find a way to lose myself

Thrill me baby I need nothing else

" I Need NOthing Else" Sophie B Hawkins

I Am The Gooch...

Actual excerpt from an email to my Boss from his Brother...

If the Mets believe in omens, consider this a good one: In 1986, with a division title a foregone conclusion, the Mets needed to win one game in Philadelphia to clinch the division. They were swept in that three-game series, trimmed only one game off their magic number the next series in St. Louis, and returned to Shea to sew up the title. Twenty years later, the Mets missed a chance on the other side of Pennsylvania, disappointing busloads of fans who drove there expecting to watch history, only to clinch at home. In an incredible twist of fate, the Sharp brothers of Brooklyn attended both the Philadelphia and Pittsburgh games, thereby comprising a small but elite group of fans who Ryaned the Met efforts twenty years apart.

I evidently am synonymous with gooch... reakl fucking nice... looks like someone isn't going to any playoff games this season...

Even on weekdays

Even on Sunday

Even in the blackest nights

Even when you touch me

I know you don't love me

And I can't make it right

"Tell Me What To Say" Black Lab

Two Men and a Fiesty Bitch

So Breen and I decided to run yesterday instead of lifting because it was not too bad out and for some God awful reason we decided to take Alexis with us... that's my friends pitbull in case any females out there were insulted by the title. So lo and behold about, oh I don't know, 6 steps into the run Lex decides she leading this expedition and unlike Sacajawea we would not make it there safely. This dog went nuts... I mean it was dragging us everywhere it would run... and then stop... like dead while we're going. I'd be chatting with Breen, I could have been talking but I'm going with chatting so fuck you, and then like the last guy walking down a hallway in a horror flick... boom, gone. I turn back and there he is yelling at the dog who has apparently found the best smelling spot in Roselle Park. So needless to say the dog gets taken back home and we decide to "go to war" instead of dooing anything constructive... or healthy. Besides it was more humid then we expected and when you got the weight bench in the front yard humidity suddenly counts of more (could you imagine if that were true? Shout out to every bad ghetto movie ever for that reference). It is on the back porch though so whatever close. Needless to say I am a decorated war hero as of 10 pm last night and I put a whooping on some Germans. All in all a most productive, unproductive night. Later...

P.S. "go to war" means playing Medal of Honor 2... just a great game.

P.P.S. Ringing and running... still fun. Really fun... but you need to find a place to hide so you can see the action.

you want apologies

girl, you might hold your breath

until your breathing stops forever, forever

the only thing you'll get

is this curse on your lips:

i hope they taste of me forever

"Chicago is So Two Years Ago" Fall Out Boy

Yeah I've Lost It

well I realize now that I only see quarters as half hours now. Since I've been parking at the meters here at work I am very hesitant to give anyone quarters because of the 30 minutes of pure joy they can give me if I keep them. Actual conversation I just had in my head... "Well Mr. Pizzaman we meet again!!! I could give you two dollars and thirty minutes for this slice of pizza... or I could give you three dollars, and you would be forced to give me an hour and a half back!!!! HAHAHA The day is mine!!!! The day is mine!!!"

Yeah so I think I probably need to start parking on the street again. Like maybe tomorrow.

Get over regret

While you were sleeping with angels

He was under the bed

And the more skin you shed,

The more that the air in your throat will linger when you

Call him your friend
And it was never a question

He was crowing for repair

You'd give him love and affection

You couldn't keep him there

"Crowing" Toad the Wet Sproket

also in my opinion one of the most underrated bands of the 90's. They're really fucking awesome... and they had like 20 top ten hits.

And So it Goes...

Ahhh let the depression sink in... so work sucks right now... evryone is looking at me like dead man walking and talking to me as if I have the plague. Let me explain... it seems the "dick" here (me) got himself two type A fire violations... these are bad... at least in the state's eyes, and though I've been assured by my boss that my job will not be taken from me everyone's actions, some seem to actually be happy, are scaring the shit out of me. It seems at the very least I am assured to lose a promotion that was all but promised to me. And while I fear for my job in this instance I find myself fearing for my well being more. I find myself at a very delicate point in my life right now where the line between happiness and uncontrollable sadness seems so thin, so easy to hop across that one might not even see it. I am scared... period, and while I find it hard to voice these concerns aloud, I find it easy to write them here...

i never seen a light move

like yourscan do to me

so now i'm wishing

for my best impression

of my best angie dickinson

but now i've got to worry

'cause oh, you still look pretty to me

but i've got a place to go

i've got a ticket to your late show

and i'm worrying cause even still

you sure are pretty

when you're putting the damage on

yes

when you're putting the damage on

you're just so pretty

when you're putting the damage on

"Putting the Damage On" Tori Amos

I'm Sorry What Did You Say?

There are two things you never want to hear as a Materials Manager... a. discontinued, as in "The intubation stylet 6FR has been discontinued" and 2. backorder, as in "Because that other company discontinued their 6Fr intubation stylet ours has gone on backorder"

Well fuck me... now normally this wouldn't be a problem... because there are tons of medical companies that make the same products... how many then make a 6Fr intubation stylet? Four... four man... that's ridiculous. Oh wait shit excuse me... 3 because one discontinued it... so now unfortunately for our patients until Oct 16th (when the 1st company is expected to come off backorder) patients in need of a 6fr will hjave to put up with a 8 fr (one size too big) which will leave their throat raw for days. Now why would a company do this you ask? When even if you didn't here's the answer... "We saw no need to continue to market this product as the industry is flooded with imitators and the opportunity to grab our share of the market was weak at best."

My head hurts...

You make this all go away, you make this all go away

I'm down to just one thing... and I'm starting to scare myself

"Something I Can Never Have", NIN

Oh and on a side note I personally believe he's singing to the younger more innocent version of himself in this song... not a woman, which is the common belief.

DON"T DO POLAR ICE!!!

Man its refreshing to be able to be a complete and total asshole at work. I mean my secretary was just asking me yesterday how come I'm such a dick to everyone that I work with except for a select few... she says I'm such a nice guy and maybe work would be easier if I was nicer while I was here. I say fuck that... I'm nice at home... I'm nice in my personal life... I have this need for people to like me that is sometimes frustrating as hell... but not here no way. Here its strait up balls to the wall go fuck yourself. Oh Ryan I need help with this... or Oh Ryan I'm not quite sure how to do that... well that and a dollar still won't get you a Snapple. I need a "insert really long medical device description here"... Oh is that right? Do you have the catalogue number? Company that makes it? No? Damn man that sucks... call me when you do. "But someone could die!!!" OK lady now you're just being dramatic... go get the priest read the patient the last rights... because you have the inability to look at the side of a fuicking box of whatever's before you throw them out... besides your asking for a rectal fucking probe... who the hell ever died from lack of that? Except for maybe a gay guy who is literally starving for attention... and by attention I mean... well never mind.

Anywho so everyone join me and be an asshole from 9-5... and be nice to those you love when your not getting paid... its the Ryan way, and it should be yours too.

P.S. I've decided to begin closing my posts with lyrics from my favorite songs so maybe that you will go and listen to them and love them too or not... I really don't care its just something I wanted to do ok... leave me alone about it already...

If you don't expect too much from me

You might not be lety down

"Hey Jealousy" by Gin Blossoms

Somebody Stop Me....

I really wish cucumbers weren't shaped like a huge dick... I mean I love cucumbers and nothing would make me appier then to be able to sit at my desk and just chomp on one like a carrot or celery stick... but unfotunately its girth and weird skin thing its got going on makes it just a tad too phallic to be comfortable. So unfortunately I have to slice and eat with a fork... God damn gay vegetable.

On a completely different note... one of the best things about being a guy... besides that whole pee anywhere gig... has to be the fact that the more you like one of your frineds the worse things you call him...

Like my friend Breen and I refer to each other as douchebag... and when my friend Dom and I play darts is fuckface versus douchebag. I love it... penis power!!!

I wanna have the same last dream again,

the one where I wake up and I'm alive.

Just as the four walls close me within,

my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.

I'm the first to know,my dearest friends,

even if your hope has burned with time,

anything that's dead shall be re-grown,

and your vicious pain, your warning sign,

you will be fine.

Hey, oh, here I am, and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

Angels and Airwaves "The Adventure" and currently my favorite song.

You Have Got to be Kidding Me...

So it seems someone talked to the State department here and told them that they were suspect of us passing JHACO. They said they believed we were treated with leniency and maybe we should be examined. Well this got back to us... you know what also got back to us? The state is coming Monday to perform a more thorough inspection of our facility... do you know what this means? I do... it means Ryan's working two weekends in a row... AWESOME!!! I wish things would go smoothly for like a week or two... I mean come on people what's a guy gotta do to get a little peace? I mean I'm trying to quit drinking here and the stress just keeps pouring on... well I guess the busier I am the less time to think or whatever... ahhhh TGIF?