Brice Beckham... Where Have You Gone?

Oh that sexy Wesley... why oh why did you leave us? Where have you and your stuck up butler gone... I mean when I streak up the china, it matters no more, no one cares... If I drop kick my jacket as I come through the door... no one glares.

You know what I want... and I mean REALLY want? A death match between Benson and Belvedere... the battle of the butlers... it would be awesome... put em in french maid outfits with some garters going on and you have ratings gold... pay per view price? At least 79.99... it'll be bigger then Tyson Holyfield... and probably last longer too. But alas, this dream will never be... ever. I guess I'll just have to gaze to my immediate left and hope one day I at least get to wrestle Brice Beckam to the ground and make him call me Phoebe...

Streaks on the china, never mattered before, who cares.

When you dropped kicked your jacket

As you came through the door, No one glared.

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below, there's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival life is more than mere survival

We just might live the good life yet.

"According to Our New Arrivals" Theme from Mr Belvedere

This Post goes out to Lorenz who's out in Colorado doing it law school style... which is a modified reverse cowboy... keep up the good work man, we miss you back home... but seriously stay there as long as you want... children sleep better. If you want to check out his blog look it up in my links section.

Its a Twister Its a Twister...

Hey quick question... where the fuck are the hurricanes? Where is "the most destructive hurricane season in history"? Where is the destruction caused by global warming which was caused by the dependence of Aqua Net in the 80's? Where? Because just as surely as if you want a girl back you hold a boom box over your head while she tries to sleep, there have been no such storms... not even of the tropical kind. My prognosis.... weather people suck (not you Dave... keep doing it Milhouse). Its getting to the point where if they say rain... I wear white pants... they say 30 degrees outside... I go wife beater... they say mudslides... I'm going rum runner... wait, never mind. Anywho i'm not saying I want death and destruction but I want what I was promised. I mean come on if someone says they are bringing you a pumpkin spice latte and they don't you say fuck them... I mean it hurts... and right now I'm pretty hurt. I'm gonna go hug a tree... stay classy San Diego...

It crept up on me

Ignored all my pleas

Begging to leave

No justice to name me

Fell out of the sky

Cease it to be

Without a reply

Gravity fails me

And when I awoke

I knew what was real

Hope to convince you

Lies they all torture me

Opened the door

Knew what was me

I finally realized

Parachute over me

"Parachute" Guster

What the Fork?

So I'm eating Chinese food today and having a quite good time doing so I must admit. So then there is this pompous bastard next to me who when he receives his food asks for chopsticks... this pisses me off. You have a fucking fork in front of you dude.. use it, if you liked eating with chopsticks so bad you'd have your own... I mean you'd probably want to bring them with you to other places, like bust them out at the Mexican place or something. But I digress... this is not what really pissed me off. What really got me is when he received his pair of splinter inducing utensils he began using them. "Why does this piss you off Ryan?" I hear you ask me while your sitting at your computereating lasagna wearing nothing but a smile, um by the way you have some sauce on your... never mind... I'll tell you why this pisses me off... he was using the chopsticks to place food ionto his spoon and then transfer the contents of said spoon to his mouth. Are you kidding me? Am I on some show where they are trying to see if I can resist standing up walking over to him and smacking the taste out of his mouth and if I get through my whole meal without doing so I get to slow dance with an Asian boy? Well I got through the now ruined meal and sadly no Asian boy, so I guess this was not a test... just a demonstration of how stupid some people can be. Unreal...

If I go before I'm old

Oh, brother of mine please don't forget me if I go

Oh, and if I die before my time

Oh, sweet sister of mine please don't regret me if I die

Oh, and if all this gold should steal my soul away

Oh, dear mother of mine Please redirect me if this gold...

Bartender, please fill my glass for me

With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free

After three days in the ground

"Bartender" Dave Mathews Band

Somebody Pinch Me!!!

Man the fucking dream I had last night... I'm on a city street and I'm running, not I don't know why the hell I'm running but I continue to do so anyway, and I'm terrified. I turn reluctantly behind me to see what I'm running from and I see people on the street behind me just being ripped apart by nothing imparticular. Just being ripped to shreds arms, legs just flying off, blood everywhere... and that's when it hits me... I'm being chased by an invisible bear. Absolutely unbelievable. Now not only am I being chased by this bear but it eventually herds me into a forest that is occupied by wolves that look like they've been half eaten by each other. I mean Jesus Christ I was completely surrounded by half eaten wolves and they're closing in, and meanwhile there is a bear somewhere that I can't see but can hear and I'm wondering which one is going to get me first when I wake up. You want to talk about weaking up sweating... I am watching nothing but midget porn before I go to sleep tonight to ensure a great dream. Toodles.

"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."

We could live through these letters or forget it all together

See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take

When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away

Just ask the question come untie the knot

Say you won't care, say you won't care

Retrace the steps as if we forgot

Say you won't care, say you won't care

Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt

And there's one thing I can do nothing about

"New American Classic" Taking Back Sunday

Damn You Spam!!!

No not you man... but could you please leave me alone.

No I mean the other spam... the unbelievably annoying multiple amails sent from unsoliceted sources... and not just because they are from unsolicited sources but because they seems to always arrive at inopportune times...

Like today... I'm running my fingers through my hair and I get "New Cures for Male Pattern Baldness". Feeling a little low in the sex drive department, "New Herbal Remedy Garunteed to Make Her Moan", and of course my favorite... just when I'm having doubts about my marriage being stable "Hungry Housewives Crave Massive Cock $19.95 a Month".

Now I'm not really married but who the f cares at this point... if you read this and don't know me.. you probably need other things to do with your time... may I actually suggest www.hungryhousewivescravecock.com as an alternative to my website... yes I believe I may. All right Mr. Spamman bring me a dream... make it the saltiest that its ever been...

You have so many opportunities I never had

Don't push so hard, nothing is ever easy

And this talent that you take for granted, it's a gift from god

Don't pass it up, nothing is ever easy

Are you ready to work real hard

Are you tired it's just the start

Listen to me son, I'll take you far

You can call it anything you want the fact remains the same

I never got to be your Fred Astaire

You can lie to yourself and all your friends and pretend that you don't care

But circumstance gets in the way

"Fred Astair" Lucky Boys Confusion